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 You must be 18 or over to proceed. This site includes subject matter and images about Transitioning from Female to Male and/or Transsexuality. If you feel this material may be offensive to you, then click |
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- Marc, ~2001
This site is designed for trangendered individuals and their families. It is especially designed for Gay FTMs. Those who after the transition will be gay men. If you do not approve of this lifestyle--Hit back on your browser and you will be sent back to where you came from.- Phil, ~1999
yep the address if for real...
Hey I always wanted to be one... |
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~Welcome~
This page is under construction!
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| NOTE: Although the webring currently resides at Yahoo, I have plans to move it to a much more stable, and MUCH less image-conscious server in the near future. Yahoo is currently (April 27, 2001) deleting so-called "adult" sites and webrings from its database. AND they aren't even letting us know they are doing this!!! - Laura, ~2001 |
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the year Geocities goes dark across the globe, taking every personal site with it. As a free service, Yahoo couldn't turn a profit from the majority of the userbase.
Geocities Japan finally followed in 2019.
| We are the mirrors that reflect each others light..
Crystallizing the beauty of the invisible...
Thus bringing it to sight...
- gender metaphor, ~2003 |
A transsexual? What the hell was this guy saying to me? He told me to go to the library and check out the books on transsexualism. I did the very next day in the morning and I found only two ,one of which was a medical book with a lot of terminology and the other an autobiogaphy of an f-to m. After absorbing all the reading I cried in my pillow but not because I was sad but out of relief that there was others like me and there was hope for me.- Andy, b. 1964, ~1999 |
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Having an oil based chemical injected into my muscle that will change my life permanently, paying some fucked up amount of money for that and then what? what am I going to do? drive home? go drive around atlanta? maybe go to Outwrite and have coffee? Geez...what do you do after you start shots? "Wanna go to the Waffle House and get something to eat, babe?" - Marc, 2000 |
for Livable
Lives
| The question of the day is how do you find the special lady that my Heart is looking for? Im a very romantic ,loving Butch. That special Lady Im looking for would never have to ask if I love her for she will know by my touch,the look in my eyes and my arms around her. I would love to find that special lady I could go to sleep with at night looking at the sun set in her eyes and see the sun rise in them in the morning. Well ???? How does it sound??? Making Love??? You won't be disappointed. - Timberwolf, "52 year old Gentleman Butch" ~2002-2009 
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I would be a gay man if I changed and I'm not sure how I'd like living that lifestyle. I can't imagine myself in a relationship with a man if I was one as well. I prefer the thought of male/female couples than same sex ones, it'd be easier if I liked women but I don't and I'm not sure if I could live a gay mans lifestyle. Sometimes I like being the female in a relationship and I think that one day I will want to have children, even tho idea idea of settling down and having a stereotypical family doesn't interests me, and actually scares me a bit.
Sometimes, if I think about what it would be like to be male I feel happy and 'free' like a large weight has been lifted from my mind, but it only lasts for a second before I remember it's not so simple. - Lower Wolf, ~1999 |
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a body-bound maleness now fortified by a story they adhere to
This Transman's Poem |
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I never had any real relationships with guys, yet I was attracted to them. I knew that I wasn't lesbian, but I couldn't figure out what was going on with me, so chose just to stay the way I was (masculine female) and if someone chose to fall in love with me, that was their problem. Or, so I thought. One day, a guy that I worked on ambulance with, went for a walk with me, we talked and laughed, and I slowly let down my guard, and started to fall in love with him, and he with me. Problem was, he was married, with kids! Maybe that made it safer, I don't know, but before you know it we were serious, and I was pregnant! He left his family for me for a short while, but found it too hard, and went back. I have to admit that at the time I was upset, but after I had a chance to think about it, realized that I didn't really need anyone else, as had been doing fine on my own for 5 years before him. I had to quit my job with the ambulance, cause try lifting a stretcher when you've got a gut the size of a barrel. I had a beautiful daughter, and she's now 16. I love her very much. I started my training to become a registered nurse, when she was 5 months old, and graduated when she was 2 1/2. I have worked full time, ever since. I work in emergency, and I love it there. I need the excitement, and the challenge. I bought a small farm, and have sheep, pigs, chickens and a goat. - Bob, b. 1960, ~1999 |
Express Yourself
Will 'gender expression' be included in
Brown's non-discrimination policy?While Brown's non-discrimination policy explicitly protects discrimination based on identities ranging from race to veteran status, some students believe it does not adequately safeguard the interests of transgendered students. What is being neglected in the present policy, they argue, is the important potential difference between one's physical sex and one's socially-constructed gender identity. If this category is detailed in Brown's non-discrimination policy, it could yield increased recognition for a group traditionally marginalized in campus affairs. - Pui Ling Tam, 1997 |
You know, the scary thing is I think I remember the first time I saw him. Some little punk show or other. Long underwear beneath cutoffs, plaid combat boots and green hair, and I thought, hmmm. Don't know what the pronoun is, but the adjective is sure yummy. Push me and I could probably come up with a verb. Second thought, as he shifted around a little--he looks like me. The way he's standing, wrapping one leg around the other--that isn't just your regular punk slouch. No, that's the special boys who wanna be girls slouch. On me it's the girls who wanna be boys who wanna be girls, but they look awfully similar from even a few feet away.- Dweezil, by nadyalec, ~1998 |
New Men Being
FTMs [are] some of the sexiest men on the planet. In a way, they are real men as no other men are. For the most part, straight men take their masculinity for granted, acting out scripts without questioning. Gay men have had to struggle with sexual issues and have a certain amount of freedom and insight. FTMs have had to construct their masculinity from the ground up, to overcome every- thing around them just to be men. Our mythos of masculinity tells us that this is what a “real man” is—self-creative, independent, willing to stand up to con- vention to be himself, to live a life of honest responsibility.
- Jack Fertig for the San Francisco Bay Times, “The World’s First FTM Conference Held in SF” August 24th 1995 |
 ftmbdsm@queernet.orgftmbdsm is a discussion list for TG, TS guys into BD/SM "lifestyle".Tops,bottoms, and everything in between. Friends & Partners of guys welcome and encouraged to participate. If you have any additional questions or difficulty subscribing, please email. Bryce, ftmbdsm Listowner.
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- Christoph "Boots" Hanssmann, Monster Trans, ~2004 |
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11. Focus on: What does looking at transsexuals, transsexuality, transsexualism, or transsexual _____ tell you about *yourself*, *not* what does it tell you about trans. 12. Ask yourself if you can travel in our trans worlds. If not, you probably don't get what we're talking about. Remember that we live most of our lives in non-transsexual worlds, so we probably do get what you're talking about. 13. Don't imagine that you can write about the trope of transsexuality, the figure of the transsexual, transsexual discourse/s, or transsexual subject positions without writing about transsexual subjectivities, lives, experiences, embodiments. Ask yourself: what relations hold between these categorial constructions, thus what implications hold between what you write about one and what you don't write about another. 14. Don't imagine that there is only one trope of transsexuality, only one figure of "the" transsexual, or only one transsexual discourse at any one temporal and cultural location. - Jacob Hale, Suggested Rules for Non-Transsexuals Writing about Transsexuals, Transsexuality, Transsexualism, or Trans ____., 1997 |
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“Trauma or no, I would have been trans no matter what body I'd been born with. Tell the doctors that we exist for the health of humanity, which needs to find wholeness and belief in complexity. Girl in boy's body or boy inside a girl; call it fate or biology, will, or spiritual choice. But I was not born in the wrong body. -Scott Turner Schofield, "The Wrong Body”
- Scott Turner Schofield, The Wrong Body |
| I'm a FTM transsexual in his mid-thirties who began hormone therapy on March 30, 2001, and had top surgery on April 23, 2002. I had searched the web for quite some time trying to find all the information I could to help me in my transition. I found that the personal webpages of fellow FTMs were invaluable to me. However, few pages dealt with the fears and concerns that are felt during the very beginning of one's transition. This page will record my concerns, fears, and experiences during this exciting and anxious time. This webpage documents the first two years of my transition. Note: Yahoo Geocities is being terminated. This website will be removed on October 26, 2009. I'm not sure if this website will return in another form. |
| - AlteredBoy, ~2003 |
I guess I should start by telling you a little about myself. I am 28 years old, single, and transgendered. I am female-to-male and non-op and I have been living full time as a male for over two years now. I am a member of the Kappa Beta chapter of Tri-Ess and I also run the Triad Gender Association, an open support group for the transgendered. Most recently, I have begun work on establishing a support group specifically for FTM transmen in NC called the TarheelTransmen
When I am not working or attending meetings, my major interests include writing & fishing. I also enjoy camping, hiking, and billiards. On what I like to refer to as the more "civilized" side I enjoy music, art, musicals and plays, poetry, and anything dealing with Ancient Egyptian or Celtic history. |
| - Drew, ~2001 |
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I get asked often, in various ways, what my sexual orientation is. Sexual orientation is different than gender identity. They aren't connected (just wanted to make that clear). But what is my sexual orientation? I wonder how I am supposed to answer that. Sexual orientation, as most people think of it, is weather you like people of the same gender as yourself, both genders, or the gender opposite of yourself. Without a gender, how can you have a sexual orientation? I challenge anyone out there to find someone with the same gender as me, and with a gender opposite of mine. I don't think it's possible. - Jason, ~2000 |
| Ric shoved his hand between the boy's thighs. The crinkle of pubic bush through the thin cloth. The lips of the boy's pussy. He used his middle finger to spread the lips while his thumb played with the...the clit. "Mmm. You do that well." "Beginner's luck." "Nah," Buzzy said,"I bet you were a heterosexual in a former life." "Yeah, well stranger things have happened. After all, you were a dyke. In this one." "And now I'm one-hundred-percent gay boy. Want me to suck your dick to prove it?" - Pinkeye, by Simon Shephard, ~1998 |
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| SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Hmmm...now that's a toughie. I started out as a straight girl at about 15. By the time I was 17, I had come out as a dyke. When I was 20, I came out as trans. I like men, women, and quite a few in between. I could identify as a straight man, a former dyke, a former straight girl, or a fag. Usually, i just call myself queer, though I have to admit I am partial to the term transfag. What I am changes day to day, and it really doesn't matter all that much. I like various combinations of genitals, and I like both masculinity and femininity. Whatever combination these show up as or how the individual identifies isn't that important to me. The person is. - Sam, ~1999 |
Hello. My name is Rafe and this is my FTM page....Welcome.This is the life that I love and by clicking this picture you will learn more about me.
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 We started this weekend (Aug. 29), filming me talking about all the background type of stuff. Next time we film, I (hopefully) will have started T and we can talk about the changes to my body and how it all FEELS. I've never seen a film about a tranny that includes pre-everything as part of the project. I've seen home movie type of stuff, I've seen stills included in the movie, but I don't think I've ever seen a film that started pre-hormone and followed the person through. It's the kind of thing I'd love to see, which is why we're doing it. It's kind of weird to know that the result will, if it comes out well, be something that other people are going to be seeing. I mean, it's personal stuff. Very personal. But even if it doesn't help anyone, it's helping me just to do it. - Jay, 2001 |
II. The Transsexual Childhood“When did you first know you were different?”[28] the counselor at the L.A. Free Clinic asked. “Well,” I said, “I knew I was poor and on welfare, and that was different from lots of kids at school, and I had a single mom, which was really uncommon there, and we weren’t Christian, which is terribly noticeable in the South. Then later I knew I was a foster child, and in high school, I knew I was a feminist and that caused me all kinds of trouble, so I guess I always knew I was different.” His facial expression tells me this isn’t what he wanted to hear, but why should I engage this idea that my gender performance has been my most important difference in my life? It hasn’t, and I can’t separate it from the class, race, and parentage variables through which it was mediated. Does this mean I’m not real enough for surgery? I’ve worked hard to not engage the gay childhood narrative--I never talk about tomboyish behavior as an antecedent to my lesbian identity, I don’t tell stories about cross-dressing or crushes on girls, and I intentionally fuck with the assumption of it by telling people how I used to be straight and have sex with boys like any sweet trashy rural girl and some of it was fun. I see these narratives as strategic, and I’ve always rejected the strategy that adopts some theory of innate sexuality and forecloses the possibility that anyone, gender troubled childhood or not, could transgress sexual and gender norms at any time. I don’t want to participate in an idea that only some people have to engage a struggle of learning gender norms in childhood either. So now, faced with these questions, how do I decide whether to look back on my life through the tranny childhood lens, tell the stories about being a boy for Halloween, not playing with dolls? What is the cost of participation in this selective recitation? What is the cost of not participating? Rachel Pollack writes: What sense does it make to label some people as true transsexuals, and others as secondary, or confused, or imitation? Whom does such an attitude serve? I can think of no one but the gatekeepers, those who would seize the power of life and death by demanding that transsexuals satisfy an arbitrary standard. To accept such standards, to rank ourselves and others according to a hierarchy of true transsexuality, to try to recast our own histories to make sure they fit the approved model, can only tear us down, all of us, even the ones lucky enough to match that model.[29] - Dean Spade, Mutilating Gender, 2000 |
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[...] But in the end, the transmale identity can't be described within the binaries of man/boy, butch/femme, or gay/straight. Says transman and performance artist Imani Henry, "It's all about self-identity." It remains to be seen whether gay men can respect a tranny boy in the morning. But there are same-sex couples who weren't born that way. Some transmales call themselves transfags because they express femininity in a very gay-male way. And some of them are open to dating women. "I don't define fagginess by who I fuck, because I've dated all over the place," says Bran Fenner, 22. "I define it by how I demonstrate femininity." Bran has a crew of transfags of color that he met through a Yahoo group he started with a friend. Most of its members, like Bran, would call themselves pansexual. Riley, on the other hand, wants to date biological men (called bioguys), a hopeless prospect, he says, because of "male ignorance" about transmen. But those walls are coming down. The Center has started a new group for LGB trans people, and there's now trannyfag porn featuring trans and bioguys, surprise, getting it on. - The Village Voice, 2004 |
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thick boys!
Gaze[...] 
And I stand there, aware that I am effectively hobbled, that the door is
locked, that his eyes are on my so fucking hard two-inch dick. Wondering if I
want to get myself killed.
He smiles, looks up to my face and meets my eyes. "I want to see you jerk off," he says. For a second I think I can't do it. Then I swallow and reach down with my right hand, touch a fingertip to the head and feel that first jump of response. Watching him, trying to see what he is seeing, mouth dry and cock dripping wet, I grab the shaft with my thumb and forefinger and start stroking up and down. He watches my hand intently, a faint smile pulling at the corners of his lips.
I catch my breath, and then I wash my face off. I pee. I unlock the door and wind back through the tables to the front, where my friend is waiting. Daniel, TrannieBoy Comics, ~2002 |
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This 
I pinch my dick, tug it away from my body, pull it back close. I can hardly
concentrate. I think of his cock filling my mouth and back into my throat. I
look at its arc in his jeans. I look at his hands, his throat, his mouth.
I try to judge where his eyes are looking. I feel trapped, pinned down. I come.
I bend my knees, curl around the orgasm, almost lose my balance but his hand
is there, steadying me. I lean into him, and he holds me up with one arm,
cups his other hand around my crotch. That heat and faint touch set me off
again, and my body jerks in his grasp.
We are silent a moment, held together, and then I stand up. We back away
again. He watches me fumble with my boxers and shorts. He stays close for a
moment, brushes his lips very lightly against mine, his fingers very lightly
against my crotch, and walks out the door.